Obama Jokes

Find more Obama jokes at Making Fun of Liberals.

Q. Why doesn't Obama pray?
A. It's impossible to read the teleprompter with your eyes closed.

Q. Why won't Obama Messiah release his real birth certificate?
A. It got mixed in with his Rezko mortgage records and shredded.

Q. Why won't Obama release his real birth certificate?
A. He accidentally smoked it.

Q. Why won’t Obama laugh at himself?
A. Because it would be racist.

Anagram:
President Barack Hussein Obama = A Democrat speaks inane rubbish

Q. What do Obama and Osama have in common?
A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon.

Q. Why doesn’t Barack drink Pepsi?
A. He thinks that things go better with coke.

Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer?
A: Barack Obama.

Proof that Barack is the Obamessiah:
Obama preached to the multitude by the side of the lake.
Obama created new states from out of the void.
Obama turned whine into Kool-Aid® for his followers.
Obama came to us carried upon a donkey.
Obama triumphed over the beast, the enemy of all men.
Obama was stoned and yet he has risen.
Obama's flock has millions of sheep.
Obama will reign over us from a house with many rooms.
You must have no other candidates before Obama.
Obama will raise voters from the dead. Count on it

Q. Why did Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because Jimmy didn't want to be the worst President in history.

Q. Why did Jay Leno vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because he was running out of George Bush jokes.

Q. Why did David Letterman vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because he was running out of Jay Leno's George Bush jokes.

Q. Why did Britney Spears vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because she was running out of other crazy things to do.

Q. Why did Senator Ted Kennedy vote for Barack Obama?
A. Brain tumor.

Obama is so pretty that Bill Clinton wants to intern for him
Obama is so pretty that he gives John Edwards makeup tips

Q. Why did the Secret Service install lighting rods at the White House?
A. To protect President Obama as he took his Oath of Office.

Via

Find more Obama jokes at Making Fun of Liberals.

40 comments:

ActrFshr said...

Awesome!
at the end it's "lightning rods" but that's nitpicking.

Q Why can't Obama throw the first pitch like a man?

A He's a poor sport.

Anonymous said...

Cute, funny video about why children are frightened of Obama.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2DQj65zDBY

Anonymous said...

1) Q:what do god and obama have in common?

A: they both dont have birth certificates

2)Q:what do got and obama not have in common?

A: god doesnt think he's obama

Anonymous said...

haha, those were funny.
here's one:
Q: Why does Obama want the world and the countries to become one nation, all living together in harmony?
A: It's too hard for him to keep track of how many states there are: "I've been to all 57 states, i think with one left to go" (Sir President Obama.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpGH02DtIws

Anonymous said...

ever sense obama was in office theres been a new drink too ....its called nignaug

Anonymous said...

HaHA
Q.Did you hear that obama amputated his finger.
A.Ya he was eating a tootsie roll and didnt now when to stop. Good jokes

Anonymous said...

The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree and think 25 to life would be appropriate.

America needs Obama-care like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.

Q: Have you heard about McDonald's' new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A fund raiser.

Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society.The other is for housing prisoners.

Q: If Nancy Pelosi and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the ocean and it started to sink, who would be saved?
A: America !

Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers.

Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for clunkers" program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road.

Anonymous said...

Hellllllllooooooooo to tha people of tha workkkkking world wazzzz uppppsszzz

Anonymous said...

If there is any one in the world where all that u want to do is just succed im in there with you every one says that we cant do it but we can with a little effort just try and all your hopes and dreams will come true to the people of virgina please stop smoking in public it is a very bad habbit and it isent good for you so if you have ever done any bad in your life this is the time for a change my friends read this and just thank of all the possiblties that are out there in this small world!!!! :)

Miss T.C. Shore said...

Quote of the Week:

"This is a big f---ing Deal."


-- Vice President Joe Biden, referring to Michelle Obama's butt.

Anonymous said...

Obama is really a white guy...he's just so full of shlt he looks dark.

Anonymous said...

A Bill Maher is interviewing both Presidents Clinton and Obama. During the interview Mr. Clinton is asked about the Monica Lewinski sex scandal and whether he was lying. Mr. Clinton in his defense (in an upright position gesturing with his hands in front of his crotch as if a woman was performing oral sex on him) replied “I was standing”. Then Mr. Maher turned to Mr. Obama, who quickly said “I am always lying”.

Anonymous said...

Q: Obama used to give speeches in the south while he campaigned. He doesn't anymore, you know why?

A: Because every time he started speaking the voters would start bidding on him

Anonymous said...

Conversation overheard about Michelle’s trip to Spain.


Barack: Michelle have you heard what their saying about your trip to Spain?

Michelle: No I haven’t.

Barack: Well the Tax Payers are revolting.

Michelle: I agree, they stink on ice.

Anonymous said...

OBAMA...........One Bad Ass Mistake America

Anonymous said...

Heard of the new Obama value meal.?...Order anything you want and the guy after you has to pay for it.!.

Anonymous said...

whats the difference between obama and the three musketeers?
the musketeeres go by all for one, one for all, while obama goes by all for one and that one is me

Anonymous said...

A little girl wrote to Sarah Palin asking, "How did the human race start?". Sarah Palin answered, "God made Adam and Eve, they had children and all mankind was made."

The next day the little girl wrote to Michelle Obama and asked the same question. Michelle Obama answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys in Africa from which the human race evolved."

The confused girl went to her father and asked, "How come Sarah Palin told me that mankind was created by God, and Michelle Obama told me mankind evolved from monkeys?"

Her father answers, "Well, it's very simple . . . Sarah Palin told you about her ancestors, and Michelle Obama told you about hers!"

Anonymous said...

What's the difference of beeing forced to watch Mr. & Mrs. US President having a intiminate sequence against two apes doing the same thing?
A: Nothing.

Anonymous said...

the jokes are funny. but don't make them racist

Anonymous said...

whats the diffrence between sarah palin and michelle obama

playboy and national geographic

Anonymous said...

they are the funnies jokes i have ever hear. obama will go down in history.... as being the best president to make fun of!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Wanna hear a joke? Obama

And when he was playing baseball he threw the ball so bad it cried and Miss America threw it perfectly thus revealing the car sticker: Throws like a chick

Anonymous said...

whats the difference between obama and osama? BS!

Anonymous said...

Did you hear that the gardener at the white house was fired???
ya the dumbass went in and asked where the spade and the hoe was...

Anonymous said...

Why didn't Obama throw out the 1st pitch at the National's game this year?

Because he had to take Michelle to the Patrick Ewing look-a-like contest.

Anonymous said...

Q why does obama strut like a chicken?
A It's not cool to walk like a monkey on 2 feet

Anonymous said...

Enjoying some, but racists jokes are cheap and low class. Give it a rest. You either like the guy or you don't, and if all you can think of is racism than you're know better than he.

Anonymous said...

Just remember all men are created equal. And if your black, hispanic, foreign, asian, indian, american indian, jewish, or came from a country we onced bombed. You will have a free ride. And more then likly a free check from the government! Yours truly OBAMA CARE for you!

0 said...

Q. what is obama's golf handycap?
A. a wheelchair

Anonymous said...

Look, the guy just flat out stinks as President. He IS the joke and all those loser liberals and other useless pieces of excrement who mooch off of MY paycheck every month. As for "OBAMACARE", help the helpless, and damn the useless.

Anonymous said...

What does Obama order at KFC?

A bucket of left wings.

Anonymous said...

If you voted for Obama in 2008, it proved you are not a racist. If you vote for Obama again in 2012, it will prove that you are one.

Anonymous said...

nothing like rednecks for ignorant drivel. keep it up while the GOP robs you idiots blind.

Anonymous said...

These jokes are awful....just void of humor

Anonymous said...

The Sarah Palin evolution joke was great. Hahaha. To whoever's offended by racist jokes, lighten up. They're just jokes. I'm a blonde and no one laughs harder at blonde jokes than I do. Get over it.

Anonymous said...

Obama came home one day after he had a long chocolate colonic at a gay bar with RamMe Immanuel. He explained, "Delicious!" and immediately ran to the 40ft flagpole outside the oval office and sat on it and didn't flinch.

Anonymous said...

What dose Obama and Osama Have in common ?

Nothing Yet it's just a matter of time.

Anonymous said...

Remember when Reagan was in office? We then had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now, we have Obama, no hope and no cash.

Anonymous said...

Ok. Now, remember a few months ago, when we had an earthquake on the east coast? Scientists are now saying that it was not an earthquake after all. It was our forefathers rolling over in their graves.

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