If You've Always Wanted to be a Soldier

If you have always wanted to join the military, but can't, you can still help. Here are a few ways you can help the USA:

The next time you see an adult talking (or wearing a hat) during the playing of the National Anthem, kick their butt.

When you witness firsthand someone burning the American Flag in protest, kick their butt.

Regardless of the rank they held while they served, pay the highest amount of respect to all veterans. If you see anyone doing otherwise, quietly pull them aside and explain how these Veterans fought for the very freedom they bask in every second. Enlighten them on the many sacrifices these Veterans made to make this Nation great. Then hold them down while a Disabled Veteran kicks their butt..

If you were never in the military, DO NOT pretend that you were. Wearing battle dress uniforms (BDU's), telling others that you used to be "Special Forces" and collecting GI Joe memorabilia, might have been okay if you were still seven; now, it will only make you look stupid and get your butt kicked.

Next time you come across an Air Force member, do not ask them, "Do you fly a jet?" Not everyone in the Air Force is a pilot. Such ignorance deserves an butt kicking.

If you witness someone calling the U.S. Coast Guard non military, inform them of their mistake, and kick their butt.

Next time Old Glory (U.S. flag) prances by during a parade, get on your dang feet and pay homage to her by placing your hand over your heart. Quietly thank the military member or veteran lucky enough to be carrying her. Of course, failure to do either of those could earn you a severe butt kicking.

What Jane Fonda did during the Vietnam War makes her the enemy. The proper word to describe her is "traitor." Just mention her nomination for "Woman of the Year" and get your butt kicked.

"Your mama wears combat boots" never made sense to me, stop saying it. If she did, she would most likely be a Vet and probably kick your butt.

Bin Laden and the Taliban are not communists, so stop saying "Let's go kill those Commie's!" And stop asking us where he is. Crystal balls are not standard issue in the military. That reminds me, if you see anyone calling those dang psychic phone numbers, let me know, so I can go kick their butt.

Flyboy (Air Force), Jar Head (Marines), Grunt (Army), Squid (Navy) etc, are terms of endearment we use describing each other. Unless you are a service member or Vet, you have not earned the right to use them. Could get your butt kicked.

Last but not least, whether or not you become a member of the military, support our troops and their families. Every Thanksgiving and religious holiday that you enjoy with family and friends please remember that there are, literally, thousands of sailors and troops far from home wishing they could be with their families. Thank God for our military and the sacrifices they make every day. Without them, our country would get its butt kicked.