A Letter from a Recon Marine in Afghanistan

From the Sand Pit: It's freezing here. I'm sitting on hard, cold dirt between rocks and shrubs at the base of the Hindu Kush Mountains, along the Dar 'yoi Pomir River, watching a hole that leads to a tunnel that leads to a cave. Stake out my friend, and no pizza delivery for thousands of miles.

I also glance at the area around my a-- every ten to fifteen seconds to avoid another scorpion sting. I've actually given up battling the chiggers and sand fleas, but those scorpions give a jolt like a cattle prod; hurts like a ba---rd. The antidote tastes like transmission fluid, but God bless the Marine Corps for the five vials of it in my pack.

The one truth the Taliban cannot escape is, believe it or not, they are human beings, which means they have to eat food and drink water. That requires couriers and that's where an old bounty hunter like me comes in handy. I track the couriers, locate the tunnel entrances and storage facilities, type the info into the handheld, shoot the coordinates up to the satellite link that tells the air commanders where to drop the hardware. We bash some heads for a while, then I track and record the new movement.

It's all about intelligence. We haven't even brought in the snipers yet. These scurrying rats have no idea what they're in for. We are but days away from cutting off supply lines and allowing the eradication to begin.

I dream of Bin Laden waking up to find me standing over him with my boot on his throat as I spit into his face and plunge my nickel-plated Bowie knife through his frontal lobe. But you know me, I'm a romantic. I've said it before and I'll say it again: This country blows, man. It's not even a country. There are no roads, there's no infrastructure, there's no government. This is an inhospitable, rock pit sh-- hole ruled by eleventh century warring tribes. There are no jobs here like we know jobs.

Afghanistan offers two ways for a man to support his family: join the opium trade or join the army. That's it; those are your options. Oh, I forgot, you can also live in a refugee camp and eat plum-sweetened, crushed beetle paste and squirt mud like a goose with the stomach flu, if that's your idea of a party. But the smell alone of those "tent cities of the walking dead" is enough to hurl you into the poppy fields to cheerfully scrape bulbs for eighteen hours a day.

I've been living with these Tajiks and Uzbeks, and Turkmen and even a couple of Pushtuns, for over a month and a half now, and this much I can say for sure: These guys, all of 'em, are Huns, actual, living Huns. They LIVE to fight; it's what they do; it's ALL they do. They have no respect for anything, not for their families, nor for each other, nor for themselves. They claw at one another as a way of life. They play polo with dead calves and force their five year old sons into human cockfights to defend the family honor. Huns, roaming packs of savage, heartless beasts who feed on each other's barbarism. Cavemen with AK-47's. Then again, maybe I'm just cranky.

I'm freezing my a-- off on this stupid hill because my lap warmer is running out of juice, and I can't recharge it until the sun comes up in a few hours. Oh yeah! You like to write letters, right? Do me a favor, Bizarre. Write a letter to CNN and tell Wolf and Anderson and that awful, sneering, pompous Aaron Brown to stop calling the Taliban "smart." They are not smart. I suggest CNN invest in a dictionary because the word they are looking for is "cunning." The Taliban are cunning, like jackals and hyenas and wolverines. They are sneaky and ruthless, and when confronted, cowardly. They are hateful, malevolent parasites who create nothing and destroy everything else. Smart? Pfft. Yeah, they're real smart.

They've spent their entire lives reading only one book (and not a very good one, as books go) and consider hygiene and indoor plumbing to be products of the devil. They're still figuring out how to work a Bic lighter. Talking to a Taliban warrior about improving his quality of life is like trying to teach an ape how to hold a pen; eventually he just gets frustrated and sticks you in the eye with it.

OK, enough. Snuffle will be up soon, so I have to get back to my hole. Covering my tracks in the snow takes a lot of practice, but I'm good at it.

Please, I tell you and my fellow Americans to turn off the TV sets and move on with your lives. The story line you are getting from CNN and other news agencies is utter bullsh-- and designed not to deliver truth but rather to keep you glued to the screen through the commercials. We've got this one under control. The worst thing you guys can do right now is sit around analyzing what we're doing over here, because you have no idea what we're doing, and really, you don't want to know. We are your military, and we are doing what you sent us here to do.

You wanna help? Buy Bonds America.

Saucy Jack
Recon Marine in Afghanistan
Semper Fi
"Freedom is not free, but the U.S. Marine Corps will pay most of your share.

Thanks Roy!

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

i smell bs

Anonymous said...

A fairy tale for the delusional

Anonymous said...

WE American's cannot comprehend the realities of other societies, thanks to our military.

This is the most truthful article I've read about the trenches of this war, ever.

Anonymous said...

And yet the pinchie puta madre liberal media wants to send false information

Robert J. Emory said...

Very well written, very real. Reminds me of my grandfather's diary from WWI. Thanks for sharing. And I'm a liberal.

Anonymous said...

I guess the military, like the Hilton, only gives access to CNN.

Anonymous said...

a very good read, I do not care if it is true or false, someone still took the time to write.

Anonymous said...

"a very good read, I do not care if it is true or false,"

that's scary but expected in the age of Palin and teabaggers

Anonymous said...

I don't get it, if Afghanistan is doing so swimmingly why does the warrior right so vigorously insist on 40,000 additional troops?

Honestly, it sounds more line from a 1960’s Billy Jack movie

Allan Erickson said...

Thought it was Obama and his General who insisted on more troops. Dear Liberals, thank God the Marines are highly trained professionals focused on enemies overseas. Otherwise, some of you birds would be in a world of hurt.

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