Global Luke-Warming Will Destroy Us All

WASHINGTON (CAP) – A panel of top NASA scientists is warning that if swift action is not taken soon, the effects of global ‘luke warm’ing could become widespread and phlegmatic. In fact, the panel told Congress on Monday that global ‘luke warm’ing is likely affecting us now and we don’t even realize it.

“We’ve seen it time and time again,” James Hansen told Congressional leaders. “Cold drinks that don’t stay cold during the summer months. Warm food that won’t stay warm after it sits out for a while. We are facing an issue of epidemic proportions.

“Global ‘luke warm’ing is very real. It is very here. It is very now,” said Hansen. Hansen used flow charts and colorful diagrams to show the tendency of inanimate objects without their own heating or cooling source to always move slowly toward a median temperature regardless of their initial inherent temperature. Despite repeated requests to do so, he refused to specify a number for that end temperature, instead dubbing it in general terms as ‘room temperature’.

“Theories of global ‘luke warm’ing have been around about as long as the idea of dressing in layers, but nobody’s ever been able to prove it,” said CAP News science consultant Bill Nye. “Even with Hansen’s fancy charts and graphs, that’s not to say the public’s gonna buy it, either.”

Nye has long been considered the “crazy uncle” of global ‘luke warm’ing after a 1993 episode of The Science Guy where he turned on both a cold water faucet as well as a hot water faucet and showed that the resultant stream of water was neither too hot nor too cold. Some still debunk Nye’s decade-old theory.

“If there is such a thing as global ‘luke warm’ing - and I’m not saying there isn’t – it must happen naturally in the environment,” said Thomas Fingar, chairman of the National Intelligence Council. “Bill Nye can’t just create ‘luke warm’ing in his kitchen and call it global. It doesn’t work that way.”

The Senate will vote next week on a Democratic-backed bill that will earmark funds for additional studies into global ‘luke warm’ing. Energy companies have already begun lobbying against the bill, fearful that it could mean a reduced reliance on electricity if it is proven that global ‘luke warm’ing can heat and cool things naturally.

A new Al Gore documentary on global ‘luke warm’ing called My Soup Is Cold is due to hit theaters next month.



madcap said...

Great title!..Lol

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